Life is hard. Wear a helmet.
May 31, 2007
Life is hard. Wear a helmet. A phrase I appropriated from a poster on an online message board. I like it. It really reflects my current mood and state of mind. It’s succinct, it’s to the point, it’s real and it’s the truth.
I am fed up. I am totally and absolutely fed the hell up with other people’s freaking moaning and whining and bitching and crying. I am tired of having to either be the brunt of other people’s issues, being the scapegoat for other people’s issues, or being an alleged contributor, co-conspirator or initiator of other people’s issues. Guess what? I am longing to be able to just let myself go, wallow in my misery, whine and moan, refuse to get out of bed, mope around, gain 50lbs (um.. cough cough.. like I need an excuse to gain weight!), and be a drain on other people’s life force. But I can’t. Because I have responsibilities that I take very seriously. Responsibilities to the child I brought into this world. Responsibilities to my employer. Responsibilities to my employee. Responsibilities to my family. Responsibilities to the few friends I have left. And a final but most urgent responsibility to My Self.
99.999115% of the other people in the world have no fucking clue what my personal problems are. Especially those people that are “close” to me. You know, I try. I TRY really fricking hard to do right by most anyone I come in contact with, and in particular the people I am supposedly “intimate” with. But you know, you just can’t win with some people. So I tell myself, and I long to shout at them: LIFE IS HARD. WEAR A HELMET. AND STOP HASSLING ME ABOUT LIFE BECAUSE I CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
So S. Boo hoo. Everyone hates him. Including me apparently. Everyone is against him. Especially me appreantly. But no fear, he has a plan. A plan that will show all of us. All of us I tell you. Every last one of us will “find out”. ……………….. Eh…….. whatever S. You know what? I have problems of my own that you don’t know and have never cared to find out about. To this day you don’t know my likes, my dislikes, what makes me sad, what enrages me, what makes me happy. What keeps me up at night. What scares me. What is guaranteed to make me laugh. Hell – he doesn’t even know what my favorite colour is. Has he even tried to find out? Ah! But as he informed me, when I asked that question in a fit of pique, with the limited time that we spend together I apparently am never open to these sorts of discussions. In fact, all I want to do is “get physical”.
SAY WHAAAAAAAAAT?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!
You know, that’s my line in the sand right there. Poor little baby’s been dying to have deep conversations with me and all I want to do is “get physical”? Really? Yeah. Ok. Bad me. Frankly and honestly I could care less. Guess what S (and everyone else in my damn life)? I refuse to hand you back the power to influence my happiness. Your life sucks? Yeah you and everyone else buddy. Pick a number and get in line. And while you are there, pick out your shiny new helmet and put it on. Because all life is hard, not just yours. That’s what makes this life, not nirvana.
Oh and S? If you ever tried to know something about me you would know this. When people start attacking what passes for my emotional integrity and try passing off their shortcomings as a fault of my “perfection” (his word, not mine) it pisses me off to no end. I’m not perfect, I make no claims to be. What I am is particular about how I want to be treated, about the things that surround me, how I want to be spoken to, about things that are important to me – if only you cared to know them. That’s not perfection. That’s maturity. That’s the wisdom that comes from life’s experiences.
And S.. one more thing. You know what happened to the last person who tried to make me feel that their “miserable” life was my fault? I DIVORCED HIM.
Leave me alone and go get fitted for your helmet and stop polluting my karma.
___________________
Addendum: And you know what? Really. I’m tired of people mis-reading my words and my intentions, and I am absolutely fed up to the gills with people being fucking rude, nasty and impolite to me. I’m fed up and I am not taking it anymore.
May 31, 2007 at 6:06 pm
I think this is my favorite blog post of yours to date. I dig your anger. I can feel its fire. And that’s vital, no matter what.
Even though I realize I am one of the masheruppers contributing to your current doom and gloom . . . I just really really like this post. It’s so . . . honest, so real and totally unapologetic. Rock on, girlfriend.
June 1, 2007 at 8:30 pm
Really? Honest, real and unapologetic? I like that… makes me feel I have come a ways from the days when I would *be* all sunshine and light because that’s what everyone *loved* about me. Misty watercolour memories right there!
The days I refer to of course would be back in my faded youth – 10+ years ago. Ack! I’m old!
Needless to say I’m tickled you appreciate the anger since Unaddressed Anger is, no doubt, the biggest psychological issue I have. sigh.
ps: You aren’t a masherupper; the present “situation” might be stressful, but not You you.
pps: Did I tell you my helmet is indigo blue velvet, with sparkly rhinestones, faux baubles and built-in paparazzi visor? Sweet!
June 2, 2007 at 9:30 am
So jealous!
[door slamming as m runs out to find her own helmet!]
June 2, 2007 at 9:35 am
Finally. This may be a plateau of no return. This is certainly one my fav post too. Good read.
NOW for my therapy session. Say “FUCK THE WORLD” you don’t have to mean it… but it does help to say. And remember “The Prayer of Serenity”.
XoXo
June 5, 2007 at 10:38 am
Ah yes… The Prayer of Serenity…
June 5, 2007 at 11:43 am
[...] 5th, 2007 BF referenced the Prayer of Serenity in a comment on a previous post and it got me thinking. Ever since I was a little girl I have known of/heard [...]
April 6, 2009 at 9:28 am
Hi, I made a demotivational poster with that saying a couple years ago. http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/view/39999/ check it out
April 15, 2009 at 12:45 pm
This is quite a up-to-date information. I think I’ll share it on Facebook.
June 15, 2009 at 9:22 am
“The power to influence my happiness…” Ah. That lovely wonderful imaginary world where other people cannot affect us.
And then, of course, you talk about how sick you are of other people offending you at the bottom because they don’t understand a ham-fisted punch-to-the-face message.
People have the power to influence my happiness…they can be nice to my friends. And if they don’t understand how to do that, like you apparently do not?
I believe they should take responsibility for their actions. Deal with their fuck ups; learn from them and move the fuck on!
You fucked up; deal with it, take responsibility, and move the fuck on.
See? It isn’t helpful advice…